Who I am

As an artist, I am constantly asked what I do, what my style is, and what I intend with my work.  I really want to strive for creative, dynamic, refined work. Not necessarily "photo-realistic" but detailed where needed, and loose where it's appropriate.


 I love painting - using mainly acrylic, but will draw with pretty much anything.


 I am expressive by nature. I'm transparent, but multifaceted, revealing some contrasts and mysterious ways. You can't see all of who I am from any one angle, so, in my quest for relevance, I am trying to expose as much as I can bare to. My goal is to be a tattoo artist.. this stage in my life is fairly new, so I've only been striving for technical ability... just to be good at manipulating paint or ink or whatever, doesn't send any message besides being disciplined and methodical. 


I am ready to see what's inside, what my talents really are... though it leaves me vulnerable to disappointment, both in myself and in everyone else... I am still ready.  I don't think anyone lives completely honest.  We all hide that which we are ashamed of.  Desiring to minimize our faults and maximize our strengths. I'm no different, but I'm willing to see how honest I can be. I'm sure it will take time, since all I know is just that. 

Rant

As the title states, the purpose of this post is solely just to rant.


Recently, I put in my notice at the place I worked, and Saturday was my last day. Brief history, I worked at a local grocery store, as a cashier..but was usually scheduled as a packer; essentially the packer's duties are to pack customers groceries into bags, keep the front end tidy, and to get buggies.  It's as tedious as it sounds. Why was I scheduled as such? Because I was good at it, and cause my boss thought I liked it, so I was told.  Sweet.

SO, my last shift was a closing packing shift. 2-10:30. I was kinda looking forward to it cause a few of my friends were also working that day and cause I intended to cause a little bit of light hearted mischief. My good mood didn't last long, though.  Why? Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I thought that I was truly liked by everyone at my job.  Maybe I thought I was going to be missed.

To back up a little bit, during my time their I've seen my share of  'last days' as the summer students cycle in and out of the company and usually, what happened was that they'd get a card, maybe a lil gift of a gift card, and a corsage to mark the occasion.  Kiiinndaa figured that this was kinda standard procedure to show appreciation of said leaving person.

I got nothing.

Ok, not nothing, I got a card, with like 5 or 6 names in it from friends and a few hugs from them.  Nothing from my boss, hell, she didn't even talk to me after I put my notice in.  No we'll miss you, you were a hard worker..ect. Nothing. At this point I think that I'm just being a bit bitter but really, a little recognition goes a long way.  It makes a person feel good, appreciated, liked, even.  It was kinda weird, cause I'm pretty damn sure everyone knew that I was leaving, and yet it wasn't acknowledged in the slightest. Since the store was bought out by a franchise sure there were some changes, probly not for the better but this one really takes the cake.  Its good to see that managers, and companies still value their employees. Well done guys, well done.   You really made my last day end on a good note.
Thanks for nothin.

Make up and masks

"Cardboard masks of all the people I've been
thrown out with all the rusted tangled dented god damn miseries
you could say that I'm hard to hold,
but if you knew me, you'd know..."
-Jann Arden's "Good Mother"

   I don't know about you, but when I get bored I draw on things...    which can translate into drawing upon myself with make up.  I remember hearing a quote from a random youtube video that was something along the lines of "recently, Ive been wearing lots of like, neutrals, and browns, and dark smoky looks...and I was like, you know what? I wanna look like some fuckin' crayons attacked my eyes today."

    Make up and its whole concept is an interesting thing if you think about it, really.  All the slogans that are out there like Maybelline's "maybe she's born with it, maybe its Maybelline" are familiar, but really, all make up is, is a mask.  Some wear it to cover up blemishes - blank, camouflaged masks.  Some wear it to stand out, to use it as an extension of their personalities - bold crazy coloured masks.  Some wear it to contour their faces to look more appealing, such as making ones cheekbones look higher, or their nose a little thinner. Or, like myself, some put it on to hide the wariness of facing another day.  Warpaint. ( Not trying to sound depressed here, but I have mad allergies that make the "tired circles" under ones eyes, like 3 times worse. Yay for overactive sinus capillaries)

     But, no matter how you look at it, they're all masks. We (as women, don't think guys deal with it so much when it comes to make up) are constantly being slapped in the face with the medias you need to look like this!!!  Make up is basically a dishonest, confidence builder that allows us to show any face we want. Or at least, what we think we want. I find it funny how celebs are making the front pages of the gossip magazines for being "sans makeup" but really, thats when they are for once being real and the media penalizes them for it.

Like I said, tis an interesting thing...