A lot of people seem to seek advice from me when it comes to relationships - what to do, how to get guys to like you, what not to do... and I seem to do a pretty good job of giving said advice. I always tell people be true to yourself, make yourself happy first and foremost, and from that others around you will be happy too. And, if you do find yourself feeling odd and lonely after the breakup, keep in mind that there is a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. I've been told that I seem much wiser than my mere 22 years because of this.
What I find difficult is taking my own advice, even if its exactly the same situation or scenario. I can tell other people what they could do, but shy away from it in my own life; I put others happiness if front of my own, and think no, that'll hurt their feelings.. I won't bring anything up...
I find because of this, I feel guilty. If I'm out with other friends - not my significant other - and have a good time, on the way home I feel guilty that I enjoyed myself, that I was happy. Then I get to thinking that no, that's no right, I should be happy regardless of what I'm doing of whom I'm with.. but I'm too nice to do anything about it. I can feel completely miserable but I'll tough it out for their sake....but if it were a friend complaining about the same thing I'd tell them to just fuck it and do whats right for them, even it if meant ending the relationship. It's easy enough to say its not your guilt to have, they are not your responsibility, but doing it in first person sucks.
I know what I have to do, but I'm held back by the claws of guilt that I will hurt them.. when all I'm really doing is hurting myself as they sink in deeper and deeper. I'm not myself anymore. I don't like it.
Tuesday 27 November 2012
Thursday 23 February 2012
Well, I WAS painting...
...but this thought has deemed itself more important at this point in time.
As a child who witnessed a divorce and uglier years that preceeded that decision, I have seen an heard my share of spousal fights...most of them over the addiction of alcohol. It took a lot of courage for my mom to break out on her own and become a single parent with a small kid and her slew of animals - which included a baby horse that needed training - and make a new life for herself. For us. "It's you and me against the world, we're in this together." She used to say, and that was our motto, one of which I've adopted.
I have a lot of respect for my mom because of this... its not easy having to be completely independent on just yourself but its doable, and she taught me that. She taught me a lot. When it came to relationships, she told me don't ever be in a relationship where you feel trapped- its not healthy. Don't settle for anything less than what makes you happy just because you're afraid of being alone. This again has stuck with me cause it's so true. I've seen it before, and still am with people close to me. A close friend of mine has been married to someone for 20 years now, but it's turned into a maelstrom of drinking, lies and drugs. She is miserable, but is too afraid of finding happiness on her own so she puts on an act and says that everything is ok. The only times I have seen her truly happy is when I have been working with her and her horses. She blames herself for things when its superfluous to, and it is like watching the divorce all over again. Another saying of my mom's is "I can't help you if you can't help yourself first." Which is what I feel right now. I want to help, but its not my place to. I could suggest things until I was blue in the face, but in the end its not me who has to make the decision.
What I really want to do is walk up to him and full out bitchslap him across the face and ask him what the hell he's doing. What makes it so necessary to drown himself in alcohol, to hide from everyone to sneak a smoke, to avoid talking to her, to avoid her period. A relationship should be equal. Equal parts of respect, communication, support and most of all love. Without any of that you just have two people trapped in their own heads. They say the truth hurts, but I think hiding from the truth hurts more than facing it.
Ironically, the song Love the Way You Lie just came on.
As a child who witnessed a divorce and uglier years that preceeded that decision, I have seen an heard my share of spousal fights...most of them over the addiction of alcohol. It took a lot of courage for my mom to break out on her own and become a single parent with a small kid and her slew of animals - which included a baby horse that needed training - and make a new life for herself. For us. "It's you and me against the world, we're in this together." She used to say, and that was our motto, one of which I've adopted.
I have a lot of respect for my mom because of this... its not easy having to be completely independent on just yourself but its doable, and she taught me that. She taught me a lot. When it came to relationships, she told me don't ever be in a relationship where you feel trapped- its not healthy. Don't settle for anything less than what makes you happy just because you're afraid of being alone. This again has stuck with me cause it's so true. I've seen it before, and still am with people close to me. A close friend of mine has been married to someone for 20 years now, but it's turned into a maelstrom of drinking, lies and drugs. She is miserable, but is too afraid of finding happiness on her own so she puts on an act and says that everything is ok. The only times I have seen her truly happy is when I have been working with her and her horses. She blames herself for things when its superfluous to, and it is like watching the divorce all over again. Another saying of my mom's is "I can't help you if you can't help yourself first." Which is what I feel right now. I want to help, but its not my place to. I could suggest things until I was blue in the face, but in the end its not me who has to make the decision.
What I really want to do is walk up to him and full out bitchslap him across the face and ask him what the hell he's doing. What makes it so necessary to drown himself in alcohol, to hide from everyone to sneak a smoke, to avoid talking to her, to avoid her period. A relationship should be equal. Equal parts of respect, communication, support and most of all love. Without any of that you just have two people trapped in their own heads. They say the truth hurts, but I think hiding from the truth hurts more than facing it.
Ironically, the song Love the Way You Lie just came on.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Somebody that I used to know.
Really hooked on that song.
I think that there is a point in peoples lives when they realize that they have to let go of a bit of baggage in their lives - even if that means said baggage being friends. Or, people that you used to call friends. I won't say any names cause its a bit irrelevant on the internets, and the people who do(?) read this might be like "oh snap!" so whatever. I've mentioned one before, in my dreams post... well, that still bugs me from time to time that I never got any closure; perhaps out of stupidity in hoping that I'd get a response, I sent a message. Nothing back, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If she's dug herself in that far then that's her own fault and she will have to live with that. I'm letting it go, for my own sanitys sake. She will just be somebody that I used to know.
One thing that I have never had patience for was all the drama and bullshit that some people do in order to get attention from one person, or a number of persons. It usually activates my bitch mode and I tell it like it is. Bluntness is a good and a bad thing I suppose. But, it does squash out the bullshit and shows you who your true friends are. A prior close friend of mine was subject to said wrath... I was nagged and guilt tripped into hanging out (ex. You never make time for me, and by the time you do make time, I won't be the same person.. blahblah) before I left on my trip so I was like FINE.. and go see them. What a waste of time that was. I was told upon arrival that they had to be somewhere in an hour - after all that nagging to hang out they had made other plans that day. We had nothing to talk about, the only thing of moderate depth in our conversation was that they said that they would need to find another "me." Meaning, cause that now that I was in a relationship, I had a new confidant, and they felt that they couldn't talk to me as before. Fuck that. You didnt have to cut me off and make me feel like it never happened and that nothing happened at all. So I left in a pretty bad mood.
I get back, and its like deja vu. They send a message, I get sidetracked with life outside of the interenet, and don't respond promptly. Then I get a "goodbye." That's when I snap. I said, and I quote:
"You know, I'm really getting a feeling of deja vu right now. It's the same thing as before I left - pushing and prodding to hang out or talk, and threatening to just say goodbye and forget it all. Well, I'm tired of the bullshit. After all the nagging to hang out before I left for what? A waste of an hour cause you have nothing to talk to me about? Besides saying that you're going to have to find another "me." Well good luck with that cause I don't know who would want to deal with your attitude. My bad for hanging a life outside of the internet and don't check my messages every time I'm on. The "goodbye" shows me one: you're being immature and fucking clingy, and two, that you're a bad friend. You always aid I was the one to break you, so let me break this to you: whining and threatening to break off the friendship on the soul reason that they haven't responded right away makes you a shitty friend. And after last time, seeing you was a wast of time. So, I'll just do you the favor and drop out of your life."
I don't want to be hung up on somebody that I used to know.
Harsh, maybe. To the point? Yes. My point is that if someone is seemingly drifting away from you and getting their shit together, and you're the one whinging about never seeing them and saying that they're neglecting you, stop and take a look at yourself. Stop being an asshole. If you are doing said things and expecting other people to just jump to your commands whilst they are maybe trying to get their lives back together, or to start another one with a new partner, and you'r the one getting you nose out of joint you are the bad friend, not them. Communication goes both ways. If you want to see someone, contact. Don't just wait for them to contact you first. Or, if they don't respond right away, don't get yer knickers in a twist and threaten to just leave and forget it all. Cause it might just come around and bite you in the ass when they get tired of your shit.
Don't be somebody that they used to know.
I think that there is a point in peoples lives when they realize that they have to let go of a bit of baggage in their lives - even if that means said baggage being friends. Or, people that you used to call friends. I won't say any names cause its a bit irrelevant on the internets, and the people who do(?) read this might be like "oh snap!" so whatever. I've mentioned one before, in my dreams post... well, that still bugs me from time to time that I never got any closure; perhaps out of stupidity in hoping that I'd get a response, I sent a message. Nothing back, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If she's dug herself in that far then that's her own fault and she will have to live with that. I'm letting it go, for my own sanitys sake. She will just be somebody that I used to know.
One thing that I have never had patience for was all the drama and bullshit that some people do in order to get attention from one person, or a number of persons. It usually activates my bitch mode and I tell it like it is. Bluntness is a good and a bad thing I suppose. But, it does squash out the bullshit and shows you who your true friends are. A prior close friend of mine was subject to said wrath... I was nagged and guilt tripped into hanging out (ex. You never make time for me, and by the time you do make time, I won't be the same person.. blahblah) before I left on my trip so I was like FINE.. and go see them. What a waste of time that was. I was told upon arrival that they had to be somewhere in an hour - after all that nagging to hang out they had made other plans that day. We had nothing to talk about, the only thing of moderate depth in our conversation was that they said that they would need to find another "me." Meaning, cause that now that I was in a relationship, I had a new confidant, and they felt that they couldn't talk to me as before. Fuck that. You didnt have to cut me off and make me feel like it never happened and that nothing happened at all. So I left in a pretty bad mood.
I get back, and its like deja vu. They send a message, I get sidetracked with life outside of the interenet, and don't respond promptly. Then I get a "goodbye." That's when I snap. I said, and I quote:
"You know, I'm really getting a feeling of deja vu right now. It's the same thing as before I left - pushing and prodding to hang out or talk, and threatening to just say goodbye and forget it all. Well, I'm tired of the bullshit. After all the nagging to hang out before I left for what? A waste of an hour cause you have nothing to talk to me about? Besides saying that you're going to have to find another "me." Well good luck with that cause I don't know who would want to deal with your attitude. My bad for hanging a life outside of the internet and don't check my messages every time I'm on. The "goodbye" shows me one: you're being immature and fucking clingy, and two, that you're a bad friend. You always aid I was the one to break you, so let me break this to you: whining and threatening to break off the friendship on the soul reason that they haven't responded right away makes you a shitty friend. And after last time, seeing you was a wast of time. So, I'll just do you the favor and drop out of your life."
I don't want to be hung up on somebody that I used to know.
Harsh, maybe. To the point? Yes. My point is that if someone is seemingly drifting away from you and getting their shit together, and you're the one whinging about never seeing them and saying that they're neglecting you, stop and take a look at yourself. Stop being an asshole. If you are doing said things and expecting other people to just jump to your commands whilst they are maybe trying to get their lives back together, or to start another one with a new partner, and you'r the one getting you nose out of joint you are the bad friend, not them. Communication goes both ways. If you want to see someone, contact. Don't just wait for them to contact you first. Or, if they don't respond right away, don't get yer knickers in a twist and threaten to just leave and forget it all. Cause it might just come around and bite you in the ass when they get tired of your shit.
Don't be somebody that they used to know.
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