...but this thought has deemed itself more important at this point in time.
As a child who witnessed a divorce and uglier years that preceeded that decision, I have seen an heard my share of spousal fights...most of them over the addiction of alcohol. It took a lot of courage for my mom to break out on her own and become a single parent with a small kid and her slew of animals - which included a baby horse that needed training - and make a new life for herself. For us. "It's you and me against the world, we're in this together." She used to say, and that was our motto, one of which I've adopted.
I have a lot of respect for my mom because of this... its not easy having to be completely independent on just yourself but its doable, and she taught me that. She taught me a lot. When it came to relationships, she told me don't ever be in a relationship where you feel trapped- its not healthy. Don't settle for anything less than what makes you happy just because you're afraid of being alone. This again has stuck with me cause it's so true. I've seen it before, and still am with people close to me. A close friend of mine has been married to someone for 20 years now, but it's turned into a maelstrom of drinking, lies and drugs. She is miserable, but is too afraid of finding happiness on her own so she puts on an act and says that everything is ok. The only times I have seen her truly happy is when I have been working with her and her horses. She blames herself for things when its superfluous to, and it is like watching the divorce all over again. Another saying of my mom's is "I can't help you if you can't help yourself first." Which is what I feel right now. I want to help, but its not my place to. I could suggest things until I was blue in the face, but in the end its not me who has to make the decision.
What I really want to do is walk up to him and full out bitchslap him across the face and ask him what the hell he's doing. What makes it so necessary to drown himself in alcohol, to hide from everyone to sneak a smoke, to avoid talking to her, to avoid her period. A relationship should be equal. Equal parts of respect, communication, support and most of all love. Without any of that you just have two people trapped in their own heads. They say the truth hurts, but I think hiding from the truth hurts more than facing it.
Ironically, the song Love the Way You Lie just came on.
